What is love for?
Looking after oneself is often seen as a personal responsibility, yet it holds a broader significance that resonates far beyond the individual. When we take care of our physical, mental, and emotional well-being, we embody a powerful message for those around us. This act of self-care becomes an education in itself, a subtle yet profound demonstration that living with balance, health, and intentionality is not only possible but necessary. It sends out ripples, inspiring others to reflect on how they, too, might take steps to nourish and protect their own lives.
Self-care is not selfish. It is an alarm for others, awakening them to the importance of looking after themselves. When we prioritise our health—whether through exercise, nourishing food, mental peace, or spiritual growth—those around us begin to notice. They see that wellness is not reserved for a select few but is accessible to all who choose it. By leading through example, we silently encourage our family, friends, and even strangers to reconsider their own habits, lifestyles, and choices. It becomes a form of mission—one that is not preachy, but rather rooted in the quiet power of lived experience. In caring for ourselves, we contribute to the well-being of the collective, creating an environment where self-care is normalised, and thriving becomes the norm.
On the other hand, the opposite approach, where one becomes a martyr to sacrifice everything for others, holds a different kind of message. The person who pours out all their energy, time, and resources for others may be driven by love, but over time, this unchecked sacrifice can lead to their own depletion. Such individuals often give their health, finances, emotional reserves, and time without limits, driven by a sense of duty or love. While the intention is noble, the consequence can be a life of constant strain, exhaustion, and eventual burnout.
Martyrdom, in the sense of sacrificing oneself completely for others, can sometimes serve as a misguided expression of love. Instead of inspiring others to care for themselves, it may reinforce unhealthy dynamics, where people become dependent on the martyr or expect this level of sacrifice. It can also create a silent pressure, implying that love is measured by how much one is willing to suffer. Over time, the person sacrificing their well-being can become resentful, physically and emotionally drained, and even lose their sense of self. In sacrificing so much for others, they may unintentionally teach those around them to neglect their own self-care as well.
Thus, the contrast is clear. Looking after oneself is a mission that fosters a culture of balance and wellness, inspiring others to follow suit. Martyrdom, while born from love, can perpetuate cycles of depletion and unhealthy reliance. True love and service to others should not come at the cost of one's own well-being, but rather from a place of strength, where giving is sustainable and healthy for all involved.
When we show kids that love means constantly sacrificing ourselves—our time, health, and energy—they may grow up believing that they must do the same. They might think that love is about giving everything, even when it hurts them. While it’s important to teach kindness, we need to be careful not to teach that love equals losing yourself. We want them to grow up understanding that love also means respecting their own needs and boundaries. It’s about finding a balance between giving and taking care of themselves, so they don’t feel like they have to wear themselves out to prove their love for someone.
The impact of this kind of belief can be heavy. How often do we find ourselves tired, overwhelmed, or feeling like we're giving too much? What kind of example are we setting? Are we teaching kids that they need to drain themselves to show love, or are we showing them how to care for others while still caring for themselves?
These are important questions to ask ourselves:
What does love look like in your life?
Are you giving so much that there’s nothing left for you? If you had to teach someone about love and care, what would you show them through your actions?
